i won't explain myself

i'm not sure where exactly writing stands in my life.

i'm not exactly sure if everyday i deprive myself from taking my thoughts and musings and playing around with them and making them as tangible as they could ever be-

or if i just refuse to indulge in what i know consider to be a wasted gift.

that's pretty silly. if i were to write everyday, one day going on about an incident involving the police and hungarian goulash and the next justifying the gaping gap (didn't want to say hole) in my life, it would be much less of an indulgence.

what then, would it be?

perhaps a trip to the therapist, or rather analyst. you see, a therapists asks questions, in some cases, interrogates, so that the patient can think aloud and perhaps feel relief AND receive life advice while an analyst says nothing. which one is a shrink?

perhaps it would be an exercise in a once beloved pastime, which has been since neglected and replaced with reality television, sex, and bad credit (well underwear is a need, and so are tacos and so are gifts for the boyfriend).

does it even matter?

i just need something to do and somewhere to go and since i spend copious amounts of time on the internet, googling things such as "amuse bouche for thanksgiving" and my own name and "how much does rosetta stone cost" and "how to become a food writer", watching dozens of youtube videos of the Westboro Baptist Church, and writing run on sentences in instant messages to my boyfriend who currently resides in a city called too-bloody-far-away. city.

so here i am. how does this compare to google so far? less informative, but more of a hand workout. how does this compare to the westboro baptist church? well it's a lot more homofriendly, and though so far we both share love for letters and words, mine are probably a lot less controversial.

so i'll write in this thing. because i need something to do other than wait until both my room and my life cleans itself up.

to warn you, i will write about absolutely nothing. i find that nothing can be the most relatable and meaningful subject, as well as the most humorous.

p.s. this is my baby penguin leroy